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When I was in elementary school I was bullied pretty much everyday and started hating myself more and more. The things they would say tore me apart. They told me I was insane because of my disabilities and that I wouldn't get anywhere in life because I was fat, stupid and slow. The criticism and hatred towards me has made me negative and hateful toward myself. When someone gives me a compliment I shoot it down. It's not that I WON'T believe it. It's that I CAN'T believe it. It's almost impossible. It's like a war inside my head. When someone tells me I look beautiful, it gets replaced by criticisms of the past. The battle wears me out, therefore I choose not to fight it. Unfortunately God waited 11 years to show me the reason for my struggle. The bullying went on from kindergarten to 10th grade. I started to wonder if God cared about me like the pastors said He did.
I mean, I would go home crying and asking God, "Why are you making me go through this? I'm just a kid. I don't want to deal with this!" It didn't seem like God loved me if He made me go through that, but everything happens for a reason. Unfortunately God waited 11 years to show me the reason for my struggle. As the years went by, I started to observe the people who were bullying me instead of just being the victim. I watched people who were being bullied and watched how they reacted. I learned to react differently than others would. Now I know not to be mean back, but to stand up for myself the correct way or walk away, if I'm able. I learned people don't bully others just to be mean. Life may be hard for them. They might not have a father or a mother to come home to. They might not get enough attention at home or have people who care, so they bully others to get attention. They also might have an abusive parent, therefore they are abusive toward others. Some people might want to act tough to let others know not to mess with them. One might have a popular family. In other words, one's parents might be popular and they expect their child to be popular. They bully to stay popular. Unfortunately some people do bully just to be mean. I have yet to figure out why, but I'll figure it out someday. So, the reason I think God allowed me to be put through all this bullying is so I can understand people better and learn safe ways to defend myself and others.
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Choices The word I chose is choices. The choices I make this year are, in my opinion, some of the most critical choices I will ever make. I am 17 and in my senior year of high school. The choices that I make will determine my career what kind of person I will become... if I become completely rebellious or an angel child. Most importantly these choices determine if I live the godly lifestyle that I’m supposed to (and want to) live. There are two other words that play into choices. They’re words that are in my life every day: self-control and perseverance. I make the choice to have self-control. For instance, I choose to keep my mouth shut when I’m angry or to keep my hands to myself. I make the choice to persevere. For instance, I persevere when I become anxious I choose to wait until I can decompress. Instead of running away in fear and defeat or if I’m in pain, I can choose to persevere as long as I can and give it my all. Choices is my word for this year. I pray that I can make the right choices. If I make wrong choices, I hope I learn from them. |
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