What We Want You to Know
Students. Faith + Swagger. We're just a group of students trying to figure it all out.
Something I want to change is my confidence level but I'm not really going to change because every time I do something to make myself better I get put down so I don't try any more. - Bre The thing I want to change about myself is to be more outgoing towards new people. The reason I want to be more outgoing is because I will be starting a new school soon and I won't know anyone there so I will need to make new friends. How I will do it is by just trying to find one person and try to go start a conversation with them. -Jonathan One thing I would like to change in my life is my depression. I have had depression for four years now and I really want it to just be gone from my life forever. I want to be happy and to be able to wake up in the morning happy to have a life. I want to be grateful for what I have and not wish for myself to be dead. I want to be happy to have a family that loves me and a boyfriend that thinks of me as a queen. I want to be thankful for all of my friends. I don't want them to think that I am ungrateful for them because they are absolutely amazing. Truthfully depression overrides all of your other feelings which is not fun. All you feel is hopelessness, nothing more. I am here to overcome my depression. I won't let it control my life any longer. I love my life and God gave it to me so I am going to be thankful. I am determined to make my life better. My life will no longer be controlled by my stupid depression. It has no authority over my life. So, my plan is to have people keep me accountable. I definitely need to have prayer. My family will try to keep my spirits up. I will try my best to stay positive. -Lindsey I would like to be less shy to new people. When I meet new people I always just smile and nod and I don't talk. I am getting better at talking to new people and the best way is just starting a small conversation. -Emily
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When I was in elementary school I was bullied pretty much everyday and started hating myself more and more. The things they would say tore me apart. They told me I was insane because of my disabilities and that I wouldn't get anywhere in life because I was fat, stupid and slow. The criticism and hatred towards me has made me negative and hateful toward myself. When someone gives me a compliment I shoot it down. It's not that I WON'T believe it. It's that I CAN'T believe it. It's almost impossible. It's like a war inside my head. When someone tells me I look beautiful, it gets replaced by criticisms of the past. The battle wears me out, therefore I choose not to fight it. Unfortunately God waited 11 years to show me the reason for my struggle. The bullying went on from kindergarten to 10th grade. I started to wonder if God cared about me like the pastors said He did.
I mean, I would go home crying and asking God, "Why are you making me go through this? I'm just a kid. I don't want to deal with this!" It didn't seem like God loved me if He made me go through that, but everything happens for a reason. Unfortunately God waited 11 years to show me the reason for my struggle. As the years went by, I started to observe the people who were bullying me instead of just being the victim. I watched people who were being bullied and watched how they reacted. I learned to react differently than others would. Now I know not to be mean back, but to stand up for myself the correct way or walk away, if I'm able. I learned people don't bully others just to be mean. Life may be hard for them. They might not have a father or a mother to come home to. They might not get enough attention at home or have people who care, so they bully others to get attention. They also might have an abusive parent, therefore they are abusive toward others. Some people might want to act tough to let others know not to mess with them. One might have a popular family. In other words, one's parents might be popular and they expect their child to be popular. They bully to stay popular. Unfortunately some people do bully just to be mean. I have yet to figure out why, but I'll figure it out someday. So, the reason I think God allowed me to be put through all this bullying is so I can understand people better and learn safe ways to defend myself and others. Lindsey, Matt and Joseph discuss how God brought something good from seemingly terrible circumstances... a cutting habit, a brother's challenges, and the loss of a family member.
Joseph's brother struggled with being suicidal. When he didn't want to live, neither did Joseph. Watch as Matthew shares what it was like to watch Joseph suffer through this very personal challenge. These two are great guys and good friends.
Do You Go to Heaven if You Kill Yourself? (Each Swaggy Disciple researched and formed his/her own opinion on this difficult topic.) My opinion is you do not go to Heaven if you kill yourself. Murder is forbidden in Scripture, including murdering oneself. You are of great value. If you commit suicide you are not ending it at all. You still exist, but now with the regret of killing yourself. You will answer to God for what you did, including suicide, and for wasting your opportunity to serve God and others. "...And whosoever was not found written in the book of life was cast into the lake of fire." Revelation 20:15 (KJV) If you're having a hard time you should not be alone. Go get help. Quit comparing your life to others. God made you who you are for a reason. He made you special in your own way. When I was in third grade I started gaining weight and getting bullied everyday. My parents were having problems and then they eventually got a divorce. I felt like I was torn. During that time something happened to me I don't like talking about... but it went on for years. Sometimes I would cry myself to sleep at night. I was broken and hurt and all I could do was be angry. I hated everyone and everything. I was gaining more weight and I got depressed.
It got worse in 6th grade. I had started cutting and I felt like I was a nobody. Seventh grade got worse. I started cutting more and more. I wanted to die everyday. I would tell myself, "You're a no good, fat loser." I was cutting on my wrists, but people would notice so I started cutting on my thighs. I think I have tried to kill myself two or three times. I cried everyday. I felt as though I had something, then I didn't. More stuff started happening. I was having problems with my dad. He was upset with me for smoking a vape and piercing my nose. Eighth grade is better now. I haven't been cutting a lot, but I recently just did. My depression is getting better, but I'm still having trouble with anger. I still struggle with confidence. I don't trust anyone. I am tired of getting hurt. Sometimes I think I need help because of the thoughts and actions I have. A lot of people believe that if you do commit suicide it is just a ticket to hell because you just wasted your life for nothing. I believe if you are a Christian you do go to heaven, but if you do and you're not a Christian you won't. Most people think my life is perfect, but they don't know what is under my mask. This mask is something I want to get rid of, but it's hard. It all started a long time ago. I was only 3 or 4 years old... I can't really remember. I was abused. I will not go into details, but it effected my life in so many ways. If I could give you a piece of advice, I would say you need to forgive and move on. When I turned 14 I was a very curious person. I would remember things from my abuse. I could not handle it. I blamed God. I was angry. What I did next consumed me for the next three years. I did not think it was a big deal at first. All I did was grab a plastic knife and put 12 cuts on my wrists. I was angry at everyone and everything. I hated God, my parents, my counselor, my friends... Everyone. I blamed it on my abuse and my parents. I did not want to live. I did not want to wake up- ever. I was done. The next thing I knew after putting cuts on my wrists my mom was driving me to the hospital. I did not know until we were almost there. I did not understand. I was afraid and totally freaked out. I knew there was something wrong with what I was doing, but I finally felt something besides depression. I talked to four doctors about the same things. I resented my parents for bringing me to the hospital to talk about my problems with people did did not know. After that everything became a blur... I cut myself with whatever I could find. I never left my room unless I was forced to. I had dark clothes and make-up on 24/7. The hardest part was I did not tell anyone at school for the first three months I was cutting. I felt alone and I did not want to let anyone in. I would cut hardest when I was angry. They were up and down each arm, a few on my legs and belly. My life was falling apart. On the outside of my mask I smiled, told everyone I was fine, covered up my arms so no one would know. I did what people told me to do but on the inside I was screaming for help. My heart was stabbed with knives. My family did not trust me... looking to see any signs of cuts. When my family stopped trusting, me I was alone. My hope fell and I was going to die. I told myself I would do it. Many nights I lay awake thinking about it. I took out blades from pencil sharpeners and hid them from my parents. I would use them whenever I did not get what I wanted or was sad, angry or depressed. I was drowning in a hole of bitterness and anger. My world was crashing all around me. I finally started to talk to my parents again and we made a lot of compromises about things (and rules) I was not happy about. I told my parents I was sorry for only thinking of myself. I was so selfish and I did not even care. Now my life is like any other person. I quit cutting, I love my family and life is good. I have a wonderful boyfriend and I have plenty of friends at school. Life is definitely worth living! If you or someone you know is talking about killing themselves, please try to think before making any major decisions. Ask people if they are okay. Take it seriously. Do not be alone. God never meant to make you do things alone. Your life might be really hard, but please don't compare your life to others. One other thing... Depression can cloud your mind, so don't do anything until you get help.
God is here for you, just take his hand. He will guide you in the way you should go. If you need suicide help, please call: 1-800-273-TALK. To me Jesus was a man. Not an ordinary man, He was perfect in every way, that is a crazy thing to say but its true. Jesus was a miracle worker. He healed lots of different cases of illness. Some people could not even walk. Jesus was a leader to the lost people who needed someone to turn to. The people that followed Jesus trusted him, they gave everything up and followed Jesus. The main followers of Jesus were called disciples. The disciples were not rich or anything of that much significance. Most of them were fisher men. Just normal sinful people, people that hurt and feel alone just like us. Jesus is a great person to tell your problems to. When you are sad He will be there for you. Life would not exist if He was not real. Everything is originally made by God. My life would not be the same without Him. I would be in a hole of depression. I would have cuts all over my arms there is no way of knowing what would have happened to me if I didn't have God in my heart. The time I really enjoyed God was when I went to the Forward Conference in Georgia. It was the first time I was able to be me because I don't like attention and I don't really talk but when I went I got to get to know myself. I never found myself until then because all we did was worship we heard some amazing songs and heard some incredible sermons.
If I had never went I think I would still be where I was 3 months ago. I was depressed really bad but now that I went I haven’t struggled with depression a lot, I really felt the burdens being lifted off my shoulders. I felt happy, relieved, and I loved every moment of it. It made me open my eyes and say hey I need to drop everything I do and work on my relationship with God because I really need Him. That burden he lifted was just amazing if he hadn’t done it I would still be lost because I needed help when he did it. All I did was just cry, because it was an amazing experience especially with the song that was playing, now all I do is hum it because I love the lyrics. They go, “I am no longer slave to fear I am a child of God.” I love that song so much I just thank God that I was able to go. I really needed that, I really needed to find myself and he let me. Every time I think back to my old ways I think wow, why did I do that stuff but now I know why I use to ask myself how does he still love me if I turned my back on our relationship and did bad stuff. The reason why is because he loves me no matter what he will always be there waiting for me because he is God, the all mighty king and our father. It just amazes me to see how much he has done for me and I just don't care. But now that my eyes are open I really do care and I appreciate everything he has done for me. I can't wait until I get to heaven because I just want to give Him a big hug and tell him thank you and I love you, because you have done so much for me and I have done so little for you. I just can't wait for that day because God has changed my life and has changed my ways. I see things differently now because of him. I just wanted to tell you how I have enjoyed the Lord. He is amazing and a life changer. |
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